Top 37 quotes from The Martian (2015)

Quotes from movie The Martian (2015)
 
Mark Watney:
[after hearing he has to take the top off of the Mars Ascent Vehicle]
I know what they're doing. I know exactly what they're doing. They just keep repeating "go faster than any man in the history of space travel", like that's a good thing. Like it'll distract me from how insane their plan is. Yeah, I get to go faster than any man in the history of space travel, because you're launching me in a convertible. Actually it's worse than that, because I won't even be able to control the thing. And by the way, physicists, when describing things like acceleration do not use the word "fast". So they're only doing that in the hopes that I won't raise any objections to this lunacy, because I like the way "fastest man in the history of space travel" sounds. I do like the way it sounds... I mean, I like it a lot.
[pauses]

Mark Watney:
I'm not gonna tell them that.
 
Mark Watney:
I've been thinking about laws on Mars. There's an international treaty saying that no country can lay claim to anything that's not on Earth. By another treaty if you're not in any country's territory, maritime law aplies. So Mars is international waters. Now, NASA is an American non-military organization, it owns the Hab. But the second I walk outside I'm in international waters. So Here's the cool part. I'm about to leave for the Schiaparelli Crater where I'm going to commandeer the Ares IV lander. Nobody explicitly gave me permission to do this, and they can't until I'm on board the Ares IV. So I'm going to be taking a craft over in international waters without permission, which by definition... makes me a pirate. Mark Watney: Space Pirate.
 
Mark Watney:
Every human being has a basic instinct: to help each other out. If a hiker gets lost in the mountains, people will coordinate a search. If a train crashes, people will line up to give blood. If an earthquake levels a city, people all over the world will send emergency supplies. This is so fundamentally human that it's found in every culture without exception. Yes, there are assholes who just don't care, but they're massively outnumbered by the people who do. ~ Mark Watney, The Martian
 
Mark Watney:
It's a strange feeling. Everywhere I go, I'm the first. Step outside the rover? First guy ever to be there! Climb a hill? First guy to climb that hill! Kick a rock? That rock hadn't moved in a million years! I'm the first guy to drive long-distance on Mars. The first guy to spend more than thirty-one sols on Mars. The first guy to grow crops on Mars. First, first, first!
 
Mark Watney:
At some point, everything's gonna go south on you and you're going to say, this is it. This is how I end. Now you can either accept that, or you can get to work. That's all it is. You just begin. You do the math. You solve one problem and you solve the next one, and then the next. And If you solve enough problems, you get to come home.
 
Annie Montrose:
I'm sorry, but you have not thought this through. I mean, what are we gonna say, "dear America, remember that astronaut we killed and had a really nice funeral for? Turns out he's alive and we left him on Mars, our bad. Sincerely, NASA". I mean, do you realize the shit storm that is about to hit us?
 
Mark Watney:
If the oxygenator breaks down, I'll suffocate. If the water reclaimer breaks down, I'll die of thirst. If the hab breaches, I'll just kind of implode. If none of those things happen, I'll eventually run out of food and starve to death. So, yeah. I'm fucked.
 
Mark Watney:
The other question I get most frequently is. When I was up there stranded by myself, did I think I was gonna die? Yes, absolutely. And that's one you need to know, going in, because it's gonna happen to you. This is space. It does not cooperate.
 
Mark Watney:
Alright, let me get a few things out of the way, right off the bat. Yes, I did in fact survive on a deserted planet by farming in my own shit. Yes, it's actually worse than it sound. So, let's not talk about that ever again.
 
Vincent Kapoor:
Mark, please watch your language. Everything you type is being broadcast live all over the world.
Mark Watney:
Yeah?
[he proceeds to swear even more]

Vincent Kapoor:
Oh my God...!
 
Mark Watney:
They say once you grow crops somewhere, you have officially colonized it. So, technically, I colonized Mars. In your face, Neil Armstrong!
 
Mark Watney:
Welcome to the Astronaut Candidate Program. Now pay attention, because this could save your life. Trust me, I know what I'm talking about.
 
Mark Watney:
If I want water, I'll have to make it from scratch. Fortunately, I know the recipe: Take hydrogen. Add oxygen. Burn.
 
Mark Watney:
[after finding out the intercept distance is too far]
Did you say 312? Yeah, I'll just wave to you guys as I go by.
 
Mark Watney:
In the face of overwhelming odds, I'm left with only one option, I'm gonna have to science the shit out of this.
 
Teddy Sanders:
If we are going to have a secret project called "Elrond", then I want my code name to be "Glorfindel".
 
Mark Watney:
[mouthed, when he's told the crew doesn't know he's still alive]
What the fuck? WHAT THE FUCK?
 
Vincent Kapoor:
How's he doing?
Mindy Park:
Uh... He asked us to call him Captain Blondebeard.
 
Mark Watney:
I don't want to come off as arrogant here, but I'm the greatest botanist on this planet.
 
Mark Watney:
None of this matters at all if I can't find a way to make contact with NASA.
 
Mark Watney:
I admit it's fatally dangerous, but I'd get to fly around like Iron Man.
 
Mark Watney:
[after trying to make water by burning hydrogen]
So... I blew myself up.
 
Mark Watney:
[eating a potato]
It has been *seven days* since I ran out of ketchup!
 
Teddy Sanders:
Rich?
Rich Purnell:
Yeah?
Teddy Sanders:
Get out!
 
Teddy Sanders:
Every time something goes wrong, the world forgets why we fly.
 
[text message from the Hermes]:
Rich Purnell is a steely-eyed missile man!
 
Rich Purnell:
I'm gonna need more coffee
[trips over trash basket]
 
Mark Watney:
Hi, I'm Mark Watney and I'm still alive... obviously.
 
Mark Watney:
I'm the first person to be alone on an entire planet.
 
Mark Watney:
Mars will come to fear my botany powers.
 
Mark Watney:
Tell Commander Lewis, disco sucks.
 
Mark Watney:
Who am I to talk about loneliness?
 
Mark Watney:
I'm not gonna die here.
 
Melissa Lewis:
Let's go get our boy.
 
Teddy Sanders:
Mark Watney is dead.
 
Mark Watney:
Fuck you Mars.
 
Mark Watney:
Surprise!
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